From breakdown to ground-breaker - Adeel Amini on finding joy and self-worth after hitting rock bottom

Transcript

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The Imposter Club is produced by talented people, staffing and headhunting company in TV production with a mission to make the industry a happier, more creatively diverse place.

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Coming up.

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I did go off the rails because I felt like a failure and I couldn't talk to anyone about, I couldn't post on social media.

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That's why like now I'm very, um, you know, I do the good and the bad on social media.

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'cause I want people to see that it's not all, all great all the time, but there's light and shade in everything.

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This is The Imposter Club, the podcast uniting all us tv, film, and content folk secretly stressing that everyone else has it sorted.

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Except us.

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I'm Kimberly Godbolt, TV director, turn staff and company founder.

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And each episode I want you to hear the real story of a successful industry figure.

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Not the glossy announcements we usually see, but the truth of their career journey, including the bumpy bits to help you make sense of your own health warning.

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This podcast may incur whiplash from violent nodding plus an unfamiliar, but hopefully welcome feeling of belonging.

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I couldn't be more thrilled to have Adeel Amini here as my guest today.

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Adeel is a series producer in studio entertainment and quiz, working on shows like Lingo and lingo us with Ru Paul who wants to be a millionaire and catchphrase.

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But if you work in tv, you might be more familiar with his name from big industry news headlines and your social feeds.

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And I don't just mean his beautiful influencer style selfies.

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A few years ago, he turned passionate, campaigner, spokesperson, and General Good Egg for all things mental health and working practice, founding support group, the TV mindset.

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I know that he found the energy and inspiration for that because of his own breakdown in 2016, brought on by lack of support for his own mental health challenges and made worse by the systemic racism he was experiencing at work.

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And by the way, this is something we may well be discussing on the podcast state as a heads up and a trigger warning, he wears tons of other impressive hats too.

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He's chair of the Coalition for Change, an elected committee member for bafta, and as a Yorkshire Ladd himself with Humble Roots.

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I know he's honored to be on the board of Screen Yorkshire.

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Hello Adeel.

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And welcome to the Imposter Club.

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How you doing?

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Hello?

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Oh my God, when you read all of that out, I do sound like a bit of an, I feel like a bit of an impostor, but, um, I quite, yeah, that's very kind.

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Thank you, Kimberly.

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Well, look, I like to start by asking my guest the same question.

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How would you describe your relationship with imposter syndrome?

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I would say my relationship with imposter syndrome has changed over the years.

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And at the moment it is quite a good relationship.

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It's something that I feel like I've fought against quite a lot over the years.

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Um, and that it's at a place now where that rebellion and that, uh, fight has just made me so much stronger and more resistant to it, um, just because of the experiences that I've had in TV and outside.

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But, um, yeah, I, I feel, I feel not very imposter at the moment, which is good.

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Good.

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Glad to hear it.

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But I know, I mean, you've had a very colorful career.

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We've known each other for a while.

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Um, it's, it's been a fascinating ride for you and I'm so keen to hear how you sort of ended up in that campaigner role.

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Tell me a bit about the earlier part of your career.

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So when we enter tv, obviously there's, there's so many things that we all have to go through.

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And I think what I've realized over the years is a lot of the things that I was feeling was not just because of, you know, the nature of tv, but also because of me being an underrepresented group.

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So obviously I'm, um, British, uh, Pakistani, south Asian origin from Bradford, no TV background, no connections, uh, L G B T LGBTQ plus as well.

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So it's all like, you know, there's a, a lot of things going on there.

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And when I started my career, and certainly, you know, even in the journey from researcher to ap, AP to producer, I was seeing things like, you know, people moving forward and not really knowing the full, uh, like every aspect of the craft.

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And I just thought to myself, I'm, I'm, look, I'm a nerd anyway.

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I, I was a straight A student.

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I like to be diligent, but I made sure that before I moved up, I knew every part of the production and everything that I was doing.

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So I would spend time with the PMs and the coordinators.

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I would spend time in the edit.

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I did a bit of casting as a research.

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I was a shooting AP as well.

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And then I found my groove in entertainment and comedy and that kind of thing.

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But I didn't wanna move up without knowing full well everything, everyone who's gonna be under me.

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I needed to know how to do their job as well, just so that I could help them and support 'em.

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Not because I wanted to like micromanager into theater.

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So that continued when I, and a lot of people might look at me and be like, oh, you know, you are this age and you should maybe be further along, or people your age further along.

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I was like, I don't really subscribe to that at all.

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You know, I've, I've been on my journey and the reason I did all of that, and this brings it back to the minority thing, is that you don't want to move up too quickly.

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We've all heard that, you know, that person shouldn't be an sp or an exec or whatever.

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And I didn't want to hear that for a number of reasons.

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A, I'm very, you know, proud of my work and I want to be known for doing good work.

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Um, but the other reason is I never wanted to be looked at or accused of being the diversity hire the one that's gone up too quickly because, um, he's from an ethnic minority or a underrepresented background.

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And if I did that just to get ahead, I feel like I would be letting down other people.

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Um, because then it doesn't, it really doesn't take much for people to start thinking like, oh, you know, those, those groups aren't very good at their jobs.

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They just get the jobs because whatever.

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And I've heard that.

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I've seen it, you know, I've had racism, covert racism, overt racism over the years.

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I've had, you know, celebrities, uh, that I was doing phone chats with, just saying that I don't sound Indian, even though I've just said that I'm Pakistani.

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And I'm like, yeah, it's a whole thing.

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I've had, you know, execs do Jamaican accents in front of me while reading a script.

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Um, and commissioners laughing and I'm just like, this is, this is really messed up.

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And you've sort of internalized a lot of that.

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So I tried to do whatever I could because, you know, obviously a post syndrome doesn't evade anyone.

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And when I moved up to SP and obviously suddenly you are running a gallery, you are, you know, working with a director, you are basically conducting this massive orchestra inside, um, you know, those rooms and you've got people behind you.

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You've got people above, you've got people below you, and you are in that suburb of hub.

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You are the core of that.

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And you need a degree of confidence to be able to do that, especially if you've never done it before.

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But with the right support, you, you can do it.

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Um, but I, I definitely had to struggle with my imposter syndrome at that, that stage in that jump up.

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Um, but I made sure that as a minority as well, I've made sure that I honed my craft to the point that no one would be able to levy that accusation at me.

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So you were sort of mitigating that risk factor, having seen that happen to peers of yours who'd got accused of moving up too soon as a, just because there were diversity hire as you put it?

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Absolute, absolutely.

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And the thing is, it never comes across that way anymore.

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It's always, you notice patterns and, you know, there are people who get away with absolute murder and they, they get away with, you know, doing the bare minimum, but then someone of a a minority background makes a mistake and the reaction is entirely different.

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And they don't realize that that is racism, but it, it is.

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And that affects people, that reputation goes around and, you know, it's like, well, how come the white people are staying in these jobs?

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But you are always getting rid of the people of color or the disabled people and you're like, at some point it's isn't them guys, it's not, because also the degree of forgiveness and care I've seen, um, you know, other groups receive is not the same as as what we receive it.

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It just isn't.

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So I think the playing field isn't level.

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And when we talk about equity a lot of the time, I think that's something to do with it as well.

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People's attitude.

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Mm-hmm.

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Okay.

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So going back to those moments though that you outline where, you know, you have e experienced racism personally, um, because I can always hear, I can hear Adeel doing the campaign stuff here, and I'm gonna kind of, I wanna get under that and ask you how you handled that at the time.

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And also, you know, if you, if you put yourself in the shoes of someone else, you are maybe out the other side of that.

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I, I'm sure you're not clear of that, but you certainly have the, um, kind of the retrospective look at it.

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Now imagine someone listening to this podcast is experiencing that.

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How did you feel and about, about it at the time?

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And then how did you handle it?

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I think it's a, a good question, and I'm glad you said that you want to get, get under the, uh, campaigner side because I'm more than happy to do that.

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And I think what people don't realize is that, you know, when, um, as you very kindly said, you know, people did get to know me and, and all that, I didn't come fully formed surprise, surprise.

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Like, not, not straight out of the box like this at all.

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I had my journey, I had my hiccups.

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And I think people now see a version of me, but they've not seen, you know, I've been in TV 15 years now and I think I've been, you know, sort of more in the spotlight, I would say the last two.

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So there's like a whole like 12, 13 years that people do not know what has happened in my career, what the, the things that I've been through and how did I handle some of that stuff.

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I would say badly <laugh>, if I'm honest.

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I don't think I handled it very well.

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I don't think I did the right things that I now tell people they should do because I didn't have the agency, I didn't have the power, I had the fear, the freelancer fear.

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Um, I had the fear of, you know, being black blisters as a minority as well.

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So I don't think I handled it very well.

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And in order to have an easy life and put my head down and not rock the boat, I carried on.

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And in retrospect, I'm like, actually no, I should have called out that exec, um, for Dean and Jamaica accent.

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I should have said something in front of the commissioner.

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I should have said that is not okay.

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But, you know, we're talking years ago here, so the landscape has changed even in just three years, nevermind like, you know, five, six years ago.

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No.

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Um, so those things sort of happened.

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What, when you were mid, mid-career sort of assistant producer when

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You no producer level, so sore, getting re yeah, re but definitely before as an SS p I don't take any of that crap.

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And I try to make sure that, you know, a I have my boundaries set up pretty well.

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Um, b I empower other people, particularly the people lower than me to have their boundaries.

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And if I'm out of line or whatever, we have a very inclusive environment.

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Um, and I hope anyone listening to this, you know, that, that have, yeah, if there's any of of my teams that say, I hope they agree with that.

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Um, but I think the experiences that I've had, I'm very keen not to have them repeated on my watch.

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It, it's a lot to, um, to think about now, let alone at the time when you were sort of handling it all.

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But let's go back to sort of you and your head down career path then.

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So, um, you wanted to be super thorough at everything you did 'cause you wanted to earn your promotions at the right point in your career.

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Um, but at the same time you were experiencing this racism at work.

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Um, tell me about that time in 2016 when things came to a head for you, adia.

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What were the sort of the contributing factors and how did that impact on, on your career?

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Um, so in that regard, so what happened with me, um, in 2016 and sort of led to this point is that I was a producer, um, and I was having a very rough time at work.

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I was being bullied at work, didn't feel very good at my job.

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Um, it's a very cliquey kind of team.

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Um, and I was also just slowly self-destructing and not diagnosed.

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I'd been misdiagnosed all through my twenties.

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So I was 29 at this time, um, just on the cusp of 30.

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And I had been told I got depression and anxiety all these years, but no one had actually sat down and told me that I had borderline personality disorder and A D H D.

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And both of those things were contributing a lot to my emotion state, the way I dealt with things and what didn't help.

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'cause B p D is a, uh, condition of extremes.

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The sort of fight or flight, you know, the feast of bow inside of tb, all of those things, you know, that constant anxiety that did not help.

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And I was living in extremes and had a condition of extremes and just thought that was real life.

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That's just what it was.

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Um, and then I basically turned to substances and substance abuse and I was, uh, you know, I talked about this very openly.

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I was a drug addict and this was while I was hiding.

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I was masking the whole time and going to work sometimes not in a good state, um, was in an abusive relationship as well at the time.

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So that didn't help.

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So there's a lot of factors basically, um, that resulted in me being face down in a gutter and one bad decision from not being here.

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And that is where my campaigning comps from.

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That is where it got, you know, I I I'm, it's sad that it's, it took that kind of thing for me to kick into gear.

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But look, if this is the result, then I'm really glad I went through it because it's now allowed me to help other people, not just other people, but help myself as well.

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And going through those experiences really did, uh, sort of counteract a lot of my imposter syndrome.

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Um, because after that, and when I did recover, you know, things changed from me completely.

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But at that time I had nothing.

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I had absolutely had no, it was so funny as well, like, 'cause 2015 I was in the broadcast hot shops.

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They used to do it for under 30.

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And that year, that's August, I remember my name came out on it and I could barely feed myself.

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I was going to sleep instead of eating because it was cheaper.

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And I, I, I just, you know, then I had to pack all of my things like for, you know, the eight years I've been in London, uh, lived on my brother's box shooting floor.

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And I used to wake up like with a steam iron and a bag of rice, um, above me and thinking, how in the hell did I get here?

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And how is TV in London chewed me up and spat me out.

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Like I was angry as just, and obviously I I'm not surprised my sort of, you know, uh, predilection to towards these things, that condition that I did go off the rails because I felt like a failure and I couldn't talk to anyone about it.

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I couldn't post on social media.

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That's why like now I'm very, um, you know, I do the good and the bad on social media 'cause I want people to see that it's not all, all great all the time, but there's light and shade in everything.

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And yeah, I I I was just really, I just thought, I just felt I such a failure.

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I got to produce a level and I've still, you know, feel like this.

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And, and weirdly I think it's kind of poignant that, that we're talking about this given what people might be going through this year, you know, I know people who haven't worked for a really long time.

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I felt like that.

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And, and suddenly you feel like your entire career, your entire talent skill, you know, your skillset is, you know, is summed up by what's just happened to you in the recent past.

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And I, I can't stress enough to everyone that it isn't, you are so much more than what you are going through right now.

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And if it is affecting you in, in negative ways and it's something bigger going on and then, you know, there's ways of addressing that.

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But I felt pray to that and I really just don't want anyone else to feel the same

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In just a minute.

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I was working when we went into the pandemic and the first lockdown in 2020 and between March, 2020 and March, 2021, I, I kid you not, I made a hundred hours of television and that's when TV mindset was, its busiest.

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It's mad, isn't it?

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You are listening to the Imposter Club and this episode I'm talking to Ade Amini.

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Why did you feel like a failure when you were in the broadcast hotshots and you were at producer level?

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I, um, I think I've, look, I've naturally been, and I think a lot of people in TV are like this.

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I <laugh> do describe myself as a chronic Oprah achiever.

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Um, I have very high standards for myself.

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I am very self-critical.

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I also come from a family background where, you know, getting straight A's wasn't just enough.

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It was more like, well, did you, were you top of your class?

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And it's like, well, why does that matter?

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Okay.

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Um, standards of all sorts, whether it was community again, like me being gay or something like that is just not, um, you know, what will it do for the image and yeah, that kind of thing.

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I think I just always wanted to prove myself, always wanted to prove that I've got worse in this world.

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Even if, you know, I am gay and, you know, missin Moore, I am a certain, yeah, I just wanted to make sure that I, I felt good about myself and I think I looked for that in the wrong places and I certainly looked for that in, in work.

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I thought, um, if I didn't have my job, who am I?

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Um, and I, I've managed to successfully answer that question.

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Um, and yeah, it was, I was just looking for the, I thought if I don't have a relationship, you know, who am I?

191

00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:36,760

What, what do I do?

192

00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:40,010

And all of these things just sort of, yeah.

193

00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:40,610

Came together.

194

00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:47,090

And then, you know, when you're, you already have a pre-existing condition, um, it, it can be a recipe for disaster.

195

00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,940

So how, gosh, I'm sure there's no easy answer to this.

196

00:17:55,130 --> 00:18:00,430

How did you pick yourself up out of that gutter and begin to believe in yourself again?

197

00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:01,350

Hmm.

198

00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:04,870

I think therapy is obviously huge, hugely.

199

00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:16,030

And I find the mental health aspect of imposter syndrome as well, really, really interesting because I think I suffered it all my life without even knowing what the name of it was.

200

00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:20,240

And I felt like an imposter in two places.

201

00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:27,980

But when I would go back home, I'm like, I'm quite, you know, different to everyone I've grown up with.

202

00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,780

No one else has really left home.

203

00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:33,060

I am here, no one else I know has worked in tv.

204

00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,220

I'm very sort of creative, artsy, that kind of thing.

205

00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,180

And I don't really sit in there.

206

00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:43,860

And then I came down here and I'm like, I'm quite Asian in some of my ways.

207

00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:50,140

And I think a lot, you know, I speak all the languages and you know, I don't have a TV background.

208

00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:54,620

I don't have any, I didn't, you know, even when I joined I didn't even know what a ricki was.

209

00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,580

And I was just like, I don't think I really fit.

210

00:18:56,580 --> 00:19:03,500

And I didn't, you know, there's, I, I was Tito as well, so I was like, I don't really fit in here.

211

00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,500

Like, I don't, so it, I kind of didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.

212

00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,660

And that was really hard because you look around and you think, oh God, people make it look so easy.

213

00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,340

And I just thought, I'm just floating.

214

00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:17,580

I don't, I'm neither here nor there.

215

00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,740

I'm not really Bradford, I'm not really London, I'm not really British.

216

00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,660

I'm not really Asian.

217

00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,380

And I'm just like, well, who the hell am I?

218

00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,380

And that was really difficult.

219

00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:32,900

Um, that was very, very hard to get my head around and uh, something I occasionally struggle with.

220

00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:55,320

But when I got through therapy and realized that actually this whole thing of like modesty and me, um, pretending or, or acting like I, uh, just apologetic for my, my being, my presence everywhere I went, I was like, that is the biggest load of crap.

221

00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:58,000

And like, I am here for a reason.

222

00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,910

I have had a career for a reason.

223

00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,110

I have had all of these credits for a reason.

224

00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:07,970

I'm a good person and the people that that have in my life are there for a reason.

225

00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:22,320

So why, as somebody who's quite practical and fact-based and you know, very evidence-based, I was like, why can't I look at that and be satisfied and be content with it and know that actually and therapy helped with this.

226

00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,080

But, you know, that is a reality.

227

00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:29,960

Everything else is, you know, catastrophizing or, you know, just, just making, it's not the reality.

228

00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:35,880

And I think that's what what imposter syndrome does to us, especially in a creative field, is that it makes us question our reality.

229

00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,240

But the reality is, you are in that route.

230

00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:39,720

You are doing that job.

231

00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:41,160

You deserve to be there.

232

00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,960

And we need to tell ourselves that.

233

00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,000

'cause no one else is

234

00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,380

Very good point.

235

00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,020

And that is, that is all about your relationship with yourself.

236

00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,380

But like you say, you're caught between two worlds.

237

00:20:53,610 --> 00:20:53,900

Yeah.

238

00:20:54,440 --> 00:21:11,700

Um, how, how can someone best find their authentic self and be that person at work when this industry, any creative industry is so subjective and we all preach being yourself, right?

239

00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:19,340

But there is a level of code switching or turning chameleon, as I used to call it, that is beneficial and can be good.

240

00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:21,660

Whether it's with contributors with your boss,

241

00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:30,020

If your code switching and changing in ways that you make yourself feel like I'm sacrificing who I am.

242

00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,820

I'm not being this true to myself.

243

00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,540

I'm going to bed thinking and I'll feel a bit guilty about what I did today.

244

00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:42,980

Um, or I've manipulated someone or, you know, that's not the real me that will stick with you.

245

00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:52,780

And yes, we all do it, but I know that whatever decisions I make and whatever I do during the day, I can go to sleep at night knowing I've got a clear conscience.

246

00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:59,300

And I think that's the other thing as well, in senior leaders leadership positions, I'm such a strong believer in vulnerable leadership.

247

00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:09,860

And I think there is this, um, assumption that we as SPS or execs have to be right all the time, have to be able to be like completely infallible.

248

00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,260

And I'm like, find me someone who is like that.

249

00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:15,140

'cause it's not, and and sometimes that makes people act out.

250

00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:16,380

It makes 'em not admit their mistake.

251

00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,260

It makes them double down on bad decisions and bad, you know, ethical behavior.

252

00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:27,260

But when all it would take is just either an apology or holding hands, it's like, shit, I, I, I messed that one up.

253

00:22:27,290 --> 00:22:29,900

Like, sorry, let's try and do this differently.

254

00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:36,020

Or maybe the, the, the schedule that I did or the team, the way I is not, was not the right way to do it.

255

00:22:36,510 --> 00:22:37,940

Let's try and fix this.

256

00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:39,220

'cause people are clearly unhappy.

257

00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:40,940

But, but there's that ego.

258

00:22:40,940 --> 00:22:51,860

And I, I think sometimes, like there's so many problems in the world, I think you've got, if we just step down from our ego, just, just one, just one tiny rung that things might be a little bit easier and simpler for us,

259

00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:53,190

Right?

260

00:22:53,310 --> 00:22:54,710

I mean, there's definitely a line, isn't there?

261

00:22:54,710 --> 00:23:01,590

Between being almost like, well, I dunno, maybe you disagree too vulnerable or, yeah.

262

00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:05,030

Um, not, or coming across as not having a clue what you're doing.

263

00:23:05,890 --> 00:23:13,000

But also then on the other end of the spectrum is being borderline arrogant.

264

00:23:13,420 --> 00:23:13,840

Mm-hmm.

265

00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,880

<affirmative> and overconfident and then sticking to your guns even though you've messed up, right?

266

00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:18,200

Mm-hmm.

267

00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,160

<affirmative>, there's somewhere in the middle.

268

00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:19,600

Yeah.

269

00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,480

I think there's, I think that balance is key.

270

00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,680

I think there's a couple of things that you said there that are really interesting.

271

00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:31,020

I think the first one is, um, you know, just that, that being fallible but not being too vulnerable.

272

00:23:31,020 --> 00:23:32,780

Like, no one wants me to come into work.

273

00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,380

I'd be like, oh my God, my boyfriend cheated on me.

274

00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:36,100

Oh my God.

275

00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,900

Like this is, like, no one wants that, that's just ridiculous.

276

00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:46,280

Like, that's not appropriate just, but when it's a work thing and you can have a laugh with your team and whatever, and there's times when you do need to be a little bit stern.

277

00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,640

And, and again, it's that balance.

278

00:23:47,710 --> 00:23:54,240

It's like looking at, just as when I go go out with my friends, I will not tell them what has been going on at work.

279

00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:55,680

You know, that's not appropriate.

280

00:23:55,680 --> 00:24:00,640

There's different forums or different things and that's, you know, I, I do believe in a separation on that front.

281

00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,160

Um, but there's still a way to be human.

282

00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:13,240

I'm, I like to think that, you know, the personality that people hear on these podcasts or they see online or they see in person or they see as manager, I mean, it's pretty much me all the time.

283

00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:17,520

And, and I think that authenticity really helps combat the imposter syndrome.

284

00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:18,280

Yeah.

285

00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:27,680

I think, and also being confident and finding your way and being yourself as much as you can at work and feeling good about your choices and being honorable.

286

00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:31,320

Um, it helps you build a team around you that feels the same.

287

00:24:31,620 --> 00:24:50,640

It, yeah, it doesn't, it, it kind of then grows and then, and that's why it's so important to get leaders, um, you know, the, the right leaders at the top who then pass on that, that vibe, that feel all the way down through the team and give that gift of, um, acceptance and inclusivity to the whole company.

288

00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:51,320

I think

289

00:24:51,580 --> 00:24:56,080

My, my mark of success is not how well a show does, because that is out of my hands.

290

00:24:56,550 --> 00:25:01,360

It's whether the team say, I would wanna do that with you again, no matter what the circumstances.

291

00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:03,480

And that to me, oh, that's nice.

292

00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:04,680

That is what I can control.

293

00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:16,400

So in 20 20, 20 21, in the thick of your campaigning and setting up the TV mindset and the beginning of the Coalition for Change, how did you do that?

294

00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,160

Ade you were working as well, right?

295

00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:19,400

Mm-hmm.

296

00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:20,200

You had a day job.

297

00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:20,560

Mm-hmm.

298

00:25:20,830 --> 00:25:21,120

Yeah.

299

00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,920

Tell me about that period for you personally.

300

00:25:23,420 --> 00:25:23,640

Uh,

301

00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:26,360

If I could describe it in one word, I would say burnout.

302

00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:31,000

And if I could do, um, do it in two words, I would be like effing burnout.

303

00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,200

Um, it was horrible.

304

00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:40,120

It was, again, it was one of those things where I <laugh> this is people don't realize it's so funny.

305

00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:57,680

I don't, I'd forget myself, but, you know, I was working when we went into the pandemic and the first lockdown in 2020 and between March, 2020 and March, 2021, I, I kid you not, I made a hundred hours of television and that's when TV Mindset was, its busiest.

306

00:25:57,900 --> 00:25:59,000

It mad, isn't it?

307

00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:00,800

It's like, and I did that from home.

308

00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:05,800

So now I'm like, if anyone says you can't work from home or people don't, I'm like, no, that's not true.

309

00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:06,440

I've done it.

310

00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:12,000

Like, apart from going into studio to actually film the shows, I, you know, catchphrases one of the first shows back in studio.

311

00:26:12,700 --> 00:26:16,360

Um, and again, I would shout out my employers through that, those periods.

312

00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:21,440

S T V O M G, um, and others as well who supported what I was doing.

313

00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:29,200

But again, that I, that that high achieving side of me, that sort of like, you know, the one that's just like trying to prove a point to myself.

314

00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,560

I didn't give myself a day off because I started thinking right.

315

00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:35,280

The campaigning was a no brainer.

316

00:26:35,390 --> 00:26:37,400

Like I was doing, I needed to do the right thing.

317

00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:43,730

I was in a position of power and I had a platform already 'cause TD mindset, like started in 2018 under a different name.

318

00:26:44,350 --> 00:26:46,090

But I had to just keep doing that.

319

00:26:46,090 --> 00:26:47,130

It was the right thing to do.

320

00:26:47,310 --> 00:26:51,410

Uh, you know, again, that whole thing is like, would I be able to go to sleep at night if I didn't?

321

00:26:51,430 --> 00:26:53,170

No, that was, that was a no brainer.

322

00:26:53,870 --> 00:26:58,810

But what I didn't want was pe with me going into work and people saying when he's not good at his job anymore.

323

00:26:58,930 --> 00:27:00,810

'cause he's focusing on that campaigning too much.

324

00:27:01,430 --> 00:27:10,250

So I ended up pushing myself even more and being like, no, I am not giving anyone an excuse on either side to, to pick at me.

325

00:27:10,590 --> 00:27:11,610

And people did, regardless.

326

00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:19,770

Not, not on the work side, God, the work side, you know, again, I was like, I know, but on the campaigning side, people did pick at me and I was like, I am doing my best here.

327

00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,280

I am doing what I can.

328

00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,960

And again, it was, there was a lot of personal stuff going on at the time.

329

00:27:26,740 --> 00:27:29,040

Um, stuff that I didn't share publicly.

330

00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:38,600

'cause again, it's a thing of vulnerable leadership as I actually, right now, in this moment in time, they don't need to know what's going on at home or you know, with various family members or whatever, because that is not gonna help.

331

00:27:39,020 --> 00:27:41,600

But all I can do is just hold up and say, look, I'll do better.

332

00:27:42,140 --> 00:27:43,440

Um, and that's what I did.

333

00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,920

But yeah, at that time it was just, it was mad and I'm not surprised.

334

00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:56,040

I, I burnt out and, you know, it was, it was very much that freelancer thing of like, I've got to be the absolute best at all of the things I do.

335

00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:56,520

Yeah.

336

00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:03,560

I I think also there's that, as you say, with, with being a freelancer, you feel like you can't have an off day.

337

00:28:03,670 --> 00:28:03,960

Yeah.

338

00:28:04,260 --> 00:28:06,720

Um, and you were overcompensating as well.

339

00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:06,960

Yeah.

340

00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:19,360

Because you wanted to make absolutely sure that your employer wasn't going to say your output, your quality of work is being affected by the stuff that no one's actually asked you to do.

341

00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:25,080

Um, I mean, you became a kind of, I think you became a celebrity in the industry at that time.

342

00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,880

<laugh>, honestly, I think we saw you everywhere.

343

00:28:28,420 --> 00:28:38,800

Um, you were in all the broadcast publications, you were on webinars, you were talking to us, talented people, we were, you know, you were everywhere.

344

00:28:39,030 --> 00:28:44,840

What sort of toll did that like, take on you personally being sort of out there and with people not really knowing who you are?

345

00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:48,840

You know what the interesting thing is, I think I never, you know, I never asked for any of that.

346

00:28:49,020 --> 00:29:03,400

And what I find really difficult is, is the ownership side of it, is that when you are in the public space and you open yourself up and you talk a lot, and you try and fight the right thing, and yeah, surprise, surprise, I have some opinions.

347

00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:10,520

And if, you know, um, <laugh>, but it's, um, people think they own you and when they think they own you, they think they can say whatever they want.

348

00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:12,040

And I'm like, hang on a minute.

349

00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:18,240

Like, I wouldn't if you was somebody on the street and you came up to me and started slagging me off, like I wouldn't put up with that.

350

00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:19,920

So why are you doing it now?

351

00:29:20,220 --> 00:29:22,400

You know, that got really weird.

352

00:29:22,670 --> 00:29:23,840

That got really, really weird.

353

00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,880

And I, I do still find it.

354

00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,720

So what did you, did you get personal criticism for the campaigning stuff?

355

00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:29,200

Oh God, yeah.

356

00:29:29,230 --> 00:29:29,840

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

357

00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:47,840

Oh, I got told I was doing it, um, uh, for the attention <laugh> and I was like, if you knew how, what my therapy bills were, if you knew what, what I'm going through while I'm doing, I was like, and part of me just may be, and, and you know, I have taken a break from it for a year because, you know, there's been a lot of locks in my parents' life.

358

00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:50,720

But I'm just also like, I'm exhausted.

359

00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,120

I am, it's the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

360

00:29:54,120 --> 00:30:01,400

First thing I wake up and I've got emails, I've got messages, I've got distressing stories, I've got all of this stuff and I'm doing my day job.

361

00:30:03,670 --> 00:30:04,640

This is coming up.

362

00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,120

I now find a lot of joy in celebrating others.

363

00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:12,400

And I think the reason for that is because I also celebrate myself.

364

00:30:17,450 --> 00:30:19,100

This is the imposter club.

365

00:30:19,770 --> 00:30:30,940

Back to the episode, did you wanna walk away from it at various points or were you always manifestly determined that no matter what you would get to a certain point?

366

00:30:32,010 --> 00:30:34,860

There's two sides of me that answer that question.

367

00:30:34,970 --> 00:30:38,860

There's the personal side, which makes me think, I wish I'd never done it.

368

00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:55,980

And the professional side, which makes me glad every single day that I, that I'm not solely responsible for, um, the conversations that are happening right now in tv, just as, as a series producer, I'm not solely responsible for the success of the show, but I can acknowledge my path in it.

369

00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,660

And I am so glad the dial has moved.

370

00:30:58,810 --> 00:31:00,420

Even from like pre pandemic.

371

00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,300

No one was talking about anything.

372

00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:08,510

And, and you know, I remember the b BBC article I did in night in January, 2020, and everyone responded to it.

373

00:31:08,510 --> 00:31:12,510

It's the first time somebody had just gone openly and publicly and talked about stuff.

374

00:31:13,010 --> 00:31:14,110

And that was another thing.

375

00:31:14,190 --> 00:31:15,750

I didn't wanna hide behind anything.

376

00:31:16,030 --> 00:31:18,990

I was like, no, I am a real person with real experiences.

377

00:31:19,690 --> 00:31:25,230

I'm gonna talk about these things and at this point in time, I don't really care what happens to my career because it's not about me.

378

00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:29,710

One of the other things that I live by is always leave a space in a better condition.

379

00:31:29,710 --> 00:31:40,710

And when you found it, whether that's like, you know, a really moral someone's mood or whatever, and I've felt like that about this industry, it's not about me anymore, it's about the other Adeels and Kimberlys and all of the other people that are coming up.

380

00:31:40,710 --> 00:31:44,390

It's like, I've had my time, I'm had a good rock, you know, if I need to retrain, I'll do that.

381

00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:49,310

But right now I need to make this place better because I dunno how long I've got left in there.

382

00:31:49,510 --> 00:31:51,710

I just want to make it a little bit nicer.

383

00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:56,870

So I did want, so the the personal side, I like, oh my God, why do I put myself through that?

384

00:31:56,930 --> 00:32:00,270

And, you know, whatever, uh, the professional side, I'm really proud.

385

00:32:00,810 --> 00:32:01,470

I'm really proud.

386

00:32:01,770 --> 00:32:05,990

And that does also help with the imposter syndrome.

387

00:32:06,290 --> 00:32:17,850

Um, 'cause I think what we tend to do either in this industry and certainly as British people as well, is, is really default to modesty.

388

00:32:18,690 --> 00:32:20,270

And I get it, you know, someone says,

389

00:32:20,270 --> 00:32:20,750

Oh definitely

390

00:32:20,860 --> 00:32:23,670

Someone says, you look now said, oh, you, you, oh, this whole thing.

391

00:32:23,670 --> 00:32:27,310

I've gotta, you know, from wherever for three, three quid and you know that, that blah, blah, blah.

392

00:32:27,970 --> 00:32:31,110

And I really learned, again through Derby, I'm like, oh, thank you.

393

00:32:31,110 --> 00:32:33,390

Yeah, actually, I, I think I do look nice today.

394

00:32:33,550 --> 00:32:35,710

'cause I deliberately left the house wanting to look nice.

395

00:32:35,730 --> 00:32:37,990

And if someone has seen that, then I've done my job.

396

00:32:38,010 --> 00:32:38,990

And I'm like, yeah, okay.

397

00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,720

Um, or you know, oh, that was a great thing you did.

398

00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:45,680

And I, and what we end up doing is just brushing it off so much that we end up believing it.

399

00:32:46,220 --> 00:32:47,320

And it's like, no, no, you

400

00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:47,520

Can't.

401

00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:52,520

Yes.

402

00:32:47,580 --> 00:32:49,000

We have to be able to say thank you.

403

00:32:49,180 --> 00:32:49,400

Yes.

404

00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,760

I, yeah, I acknowledge my part of that and I appreciate you saying that.

405

00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:53,120

Thanks.

406

00:32:53,390 --> 00:32:53,680

Yeah.

407

00:32:53,740 --> 00:32:57,520

And it's like you can, both of those things can be true.

408

00:32:57,620 --> 00:33:03,760

You can hold space for you being, you know, acknowledging a compliment and also still being humble.

409

00:33:04,070 --> 00:33:16,530

Like, I think there's enough crap in the world that is gonna make us feel a, a like we don't belong, and b, that we are a fake and we don't need to do that to ourselves.

410

00:33:17,430 --> 00:33:17,650

No.

411

00:33:17,750 --> 00:33:30,490

And actually something that can really exacerbate imposter syndrome is social media that can really be detrimental to your own mental health.

412

00:33:30,590 --> 00:33:35,250

If you are scrolling and comparing and looking at other people all the time.

413

00:33:35,830 --> 00:33:38,530

How has your relationship been with social media Ade?

414

00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:49,930

Well, I always make the joke that, uh, <laugh> in the shows that we make, if I was a contributor, I'd fail at the background check stage, <laugh>, when they do the social media thing, <laugh>, I'd be like, he said what too?

415

00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:50,730

Like what?

416

00:33:51,350 --> 00:33:53,450

Um, so yeah, I don't think I'd ever make it on tv.

417

00:33:53,510 --> 00:33:54,730

So everyone's saved on that front.

418

00:33:55,190 --> 00:33:58,010

Um, <laugh>, but I've actually deleted Twitter.

419

00:33:58,230 --> 00:33:59,330

People don't realize this.

420

00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:04,210

I've had a couple of people ask me if I've blocked them, and I'm like, no, I deleted my personal Twitter because it wasn't, is

421

00:34:04,270 --> 00:34:06,170

Is that just because of Elon Musk and Marna?

422

00:34:06,450 --> 00:34:12,969

I mean, that was a very high contributing factor, but it was also a place that was not making me happy anymore.

423

00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:18,130

And I've still got TV mindset, Twitter and Instagram is where I'm .

424

00:34:18,290 --> 00:34:20,929

Facebook is where we started, so, and then a lot of jobs are there as well.

425

00:34:20,989 --> 00:34:30,330

So, um, as, yeah, it, it's, it's, I've kept that is, but my relationship with it was not, it was just, it's something doesn't, you know, make me happy.

426

00:34:30,429 --> 00:34:33,010

Why I have to really question why I'd still keep it around.

427

00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:40,489

And I had this conversation with my writing partner as well at one point where he's just like, oh, you know, Instagram and this, and I was like, you own this thing in your hand.

428

00:34:40,590 --> 00:34:43,730

You control it, you can choose what you see on it.

429

00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:46,969

And I then end up being like, well, how much of this am I wanting to do?

430

00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,370

Like, I am doom squirreled because I like feeling this way.

431

00:34:50,590 --> 00:34:53,250

So one time I'm like, where, where, at what point am I gonna just say no?

432

00:34:53,900 --> 00:34:58,280

And weirdly, I mean, I, I then apply that to, you know, being pushed around in real life.

433

00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,080

So I'm like, Hmm, no, I control this space or whatever.

434

00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,280

So when am I gonna say no?

435

00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:07,260

But I'm not gonna lie, like social media has been, has been a blessing.

436

00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,020

It's been a curse.

437

00:35:08,180 --> 00:35:14,180

I think everyone knows full well the very public curse that I've had with social media and how my life has been classed all over the internet.

438

00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:19,060

Um, but I have also seen the benefits of it.

439

00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:23,020

TV mindset of the campaigning that I do would not have reached so many people if it wasn't social media.

440

00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:45,270

But putting all of that aside as a producer, I think it is really interesting because I still have that old, you know, insecure side of me that used to look at Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and think, oh my God, that person's got work.

441

00:35:45,450 --> 00:35:47,550

Oh my God, that person is, is doing so well.

442

00:35:47,930 --> 00:35:52,470

And I know the irony of me saying this because I fully post all of my achievements.

443

00:35:52,630 --> 00:36:00,430

I, I also, because look with a D H D got a really bad memory and I like to look back when there's Memories Club, but I'm like, oh, I did this thing that day.

444

00:36:00,710 --> 00:36:02,110

I can't even remember what I did last week.

445

00:36:02,350 --> 00:36:02,510

Kimberly.

446

00:36:02,510 --> 00:36:05,710

Like, this is a, you know, it, it's, it's, so, it's for me, it's quite helpful.

447

00:36:05,940 --> 00:36:21,630

It's a document and it's like, oh God, I, you know, and even, uh, this sounds like a really extreme example, but you know, one of my best friends took around life last year and I'm glad I took all of those pictures and posted them because then when they come up I'm like, oh my God, I forgot that we did that.

448

00:36:21,630 --> 00:36:23,630

And that's a nice memory of it and this.

449

00:36:23,810 --> 00:36:33,250

And so for me it's like that documentation, but again, it's also celebrating my own success because who else is gonna, do, you know what I mean?

450

00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:35,730

Like, it's like I, I've worked really hard for this.

451

00:36:36,530 --> 00:36:41,450

I, you know, I do want people to know that I've, I've done this thing and I'm quite proud of it.

452

00:36:42,110 --> 00:36:48,080

However, on the other side of that, if you are not in the same space, you can look at somebody like that and be like, oh my God, I'm such a failure.

453

00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:49,760

Oh my God, they've got everything.

454

00:36:49,900 --> 00:36:51,800

Oh, I'm feeling a little bit insecure in this and that.

455

00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,040

And that's just not a space that we should be getting it.

456

00:36:55,440 --> 00:37:01,300

I think it's so e easy to just like look at, especially in this competitive, creative environment.

457

00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:02,260

Like I do a lot.

458

00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:06,540

I know that, but that doesn't take away someone else's successes.

459

00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:06,940

It is.

460

00:37:06,940 --> 00:37:09,180

So I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader as well.

461

00:37:09,380 --> 00:37:10,540

I am, my friends do well.

462

00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,020

I'm like, yeah.

463

00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:21,300

Because it doesn't take anything away from the success that I have had, you know, me championing someone else or seeing someone else and does not make, does not diminish the success that I have achieved in my life.

464

00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:25,340

And I now find a lot of joy in celebrating others.

465

00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,780

And I think the reason for that is because I also celebrate myself.

466

00:37:30,590 --> 00:37:37,130

And that is also the, the negative side of imposter syndrome is that you just think, oh my God, you know that they're doing this, that and the other.

467

00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:39,490

But I think there's enough, there's enough to go round.

468

00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,050

There's enough joy that, you know, we can partake in that.

469

00:37:43,110 --> 00:37:47,050

But the reason it might affect us is because we're not doing the same for ourselves out.

470

00:37:48,290 --> 00:37:55,850

I love that, that, that you have, because you have found this joy within yourself and you're in a, a good place right now.

471

00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:56,330

Yeah.

472

00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:02,810

That you then by default find it easier to find joy in other people's successes.

473

00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:03,250

Yeah.

474

00:38:03,250 --> 00:38:06,730

Rather than kind of bitterness or resentment.

475

00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:07,450

Yeah.

476

00:38:07,590 --> 00:38:17,970

And I think, you know, we wanna go back to what we were saying earlier about, um, you know, what people were saying about me at certain points and, you know, my life was being discussed on internet forums.

477

00:38:18,590 --> 00:38:29,010

It really resonated with when, you know, when you invited me on this lovely podcast and, and you know, the word imposter, it's sort of defined as being a fake and trying to deceive other people.

478

00:38:30,180 --> 00:38:34,080

And I think the way that it sort of got through that is like, I'm not trying to deceive anyone.

479

00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:40,640

I'm just being me and I'm trying to work hard and just be really honest and just find my place in this mad old world.

480

00:38:41,390 --> 00:38:46,170

And if we can try and do that without, and I, and, and I'm really proud that I've never stepped on anyone to do it.

481

00:38:46,590 --> 00:38:48,130

And, and I, 'cause I just couldn't.

482

00:38:48,630 --> 00:38:49,810

And that for me is enough.

483

00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:55,090

Like if that was, if this, my chapter closed today, I live my life as it, like every day is my last.

484

00:38:55,110 --> 00:39:00,930

And I'm like, if that was it, I'm so proud of who I am, what I've put out there and who I've become.

485

00:39:00,950 --> 00:39:02,850

And, and that could be a tiny space.

486

00:39:03,310 --> 00:39:05,650

It could be just within my flat, it could be my office.

487

00:39:06,390 --> 00:39:14,690

For me it's been a bit larger, but even then I'm like, I've not forgotten who I am and I'm really proud of who I am because I've been through a lot more than people realize.

488

00:39:15,190 --> 00:39:18,610

And if I can get through that and hold my head high, then this is nothing.

489

00:39:21,340 --> 00:39:21,800

Oh Adeel.

490

00:39:21,890 --> 00:39:22,880

Don't <laugh>.

491

00:39:22,950 --> 00:39:25,840

That is really, genuinely beautiful.

492

00:39:26,860 --> 00:39:34,880

Uh, what would you say you are most proud of achieving through all of these sort of bumps in the road, both in your career and personally?

493

00:39:36,970 --> 00:39:47,640

So this is, this is really interesting 'cause I have this thing that I always say, and it was only until you asked me on here that I realized it was a bit of imposter syndrome coming through.

494

00:39:47,780 --> 00:39:49,320

And I think I need to stop saying it.

495

00:39:50,580 --> 00:39:54,720

And what I always say is, how did a kid from Bradford get here?

496

00:39:55,220 --> 00:39:57,480

How did a kid with no TV connections?

497

00:39:57,580 --> 00:40:03,000

And I, I've always said that, and for me, it just keeps my child like wonder about everything alive.

498

00:40:03,310 --> 00:40:06,960

When I'm in a gallery, when I'm working with report, I'm like, how the hell did I get here?

499

00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:08,440

Like, what <laugh>?

500

00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:15,920

And now, it was only when I'd started thinking about this podcast, I was like, huh, that, that's a bit of imposter syndrome coming through.

501

00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:17,360

Because why not?

502

00:40:18,140 --> 00:40:18,360

Why?

503

00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,720

I mean, you worked hard, why didn't you, you know?

504

00:40:20,980 --> 00:40:29,980

So I would al I always would've said that, like, that would've been my most proudest thing that like, you know, a a thing, you know, a kid from Bradford, no TV connections, you know, doing all that stuff.

505

00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:39,090

Um, I think I, I can give you the very sort of shallow answer and I can give you the, the sort of the, the deeper answer.

506

00:40:39,110 --> 00:40:49,840

But, you know, look, if we're talking career wise, I am really proud that I have managed to work on such incredible shows.

507

00:40:50,260 --> 00:40:56,360

Um, I've managed to, you know, work with, uh, I've ticked everything off my TV bucket.

508

00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,960

This pretty much like it was, it's, that is incredible to, to do.

509

00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:06,120

And I'm, I'm really happy with, um, the support that the people that I've met, the support that I've received, you know, I'm really proud of that.

510

00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:24,820

Um, I suppose the, the deeper answer is, you know, what am I most proud of is just that I'm able to have conversations like these, and people say these nice things and, you know, for somebody who really didn't like themselves and really didn't believe in themselves, you know, for people to suddenly start looking at me that way, I'm like, do you know what kid you've done?

511

00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:25,660

You've done good.

512

00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:26,780

You've done all right.

513

00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:30,410

That is so nice.

514

00:41:31,030 --> 00:41:40,890

And I was going, I, I often ask my guests what, what they would have said to the younger version of themselves, but I kind of think you've, you've just done that.

515

00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:41,530

Yeah.

516

00:41:41,980 --> 00:41:43,180

I mean, is there anything you would add

517

00:41:44,420 --> 00:41:46,080

Be yourself a lot quicker, <laugh>.

518

00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,720

I know I had to go through, um, a fair bit.

519

00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,560

I think, uh, yeah, don't shy away from therapy.

520

00:41:52,260 --> 00:42:00,080

Uh, don't, you know, let the, the, the world's view with therapy and you know, obviously when, when we were growing up, it was like, oh, you know, you're going to therapy.

521

00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:00,880

What's wrong with you?

522

00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:01,560

That kind of thing.

523

00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,640

Especially when you're from the north as well and South Asian, all that stuff.

524

00:42:04,660 --> 00:42:05,840

So don't listen to that.

525

00:42:06,140 --> 00:42:18,250

But if, if there's a way of being your most authentic self a little bit quicker, I would, I would try and do that and not, not be so scared about what other people think because they're just, people are gonna talk <laugh>.

526

00:42:18,250 --> 00:42:19,010

That's, that's it.

527

00:42:19,010 --> 00:42:20,050

People are gonna talk then.

528

00:42:20,230 --> 00:42:24,610

And at the end of the day, you know, it's you that you have to go to bed with at night.

529

00:42:24,630 --> 00:42:30,620

And, and if that person is settled and happy and you're happy with who that person is, then you know, bringing on world

530

00:42:33,070 --> 00:42:33,650

Oh, Adeel.

531

00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:35,090

What a lovely conversation.

532

00:42:35,450 --> 00:42:40,450

<laugh>.

533

00:42:35,930 --> 00:42:40,650

I thank you for going beyond and beneath the campaigner.

534

00:42:41,070 --> 00:42:53,250

Um, I, I, I really have enjoyed allowing people to get to know you and your challenges with both mental health and coming up through the ranks.

535

00:42:53,250 --> 00:43:04,490

Being from a minority group and from the regions, I feel so strongly that what seems like a bouncy social, happy, exciting industry can be an incredibly lonely place.

536

00:43:05,030 --> 00:43:28,930

And by having these sorts of conversations, um, I am really hopeful that with you sharing so much and some really excellent other guests going deep into their career, into their secrets and challenges and wrestles with imposter syndrome, that we can promote a healthier, happier workplace overall.

537

00:43:28,930 --> 00:43:31,170

That's, that's what I really want to achieve from this.

538

00:43:31,190 --> 00:43:33,410

So thank you so much for being a part of it.

539

00:43:33,530 --> 00:43:40,930

I just think what you have done over the years and what an amazing human you are, it, I just have so much respect for, I'm so grateful.

540

00:43:41,010 --> 00:43:42,130

I know a lot of people are too.

541

00:43:42,510 --> 00:43:55,610

God, you're gonna make me cry, dad, this is not, but I will say, and I have to, I have to say it, thank you as well for everything that you do, because it, I think, you know, the way that talent people lift others up as well is, is definitely an example we can all follow.

542

00:43:57,950 --> 00:44:01,690

That's it for this episode of The Imposter Club, brought to you by talented people.

543

00:44:02,390 --> 00:44:09,210

I'm Kimberly Godbolt, and it has been lovely to hang out with you while you commute slash gym slash dog walk or whatever you're doing.

544

00:44:09,950 --> 00:44:16,610

If this has struck a chord, please go ahead and share it with your friends in that closed WhatsApp group, I'm not in or on your social networks.

545

00:44:16,950 --> 00:44:24,170

Our aim is to reach as many fellow imposters as we can to share love and learnings and create a sense of belonging.

546

00:44:24,790 --> 00:44:29,130

And if you haven't already, follow or subscribe to the pod so you don't miss an episode drop.

547

00:44:31,820 --> 00:44:39,130

Thank you to talented people, produced and hosted by me, Kimberly Galt, exec producer Rosie Turner, editor Ben Mullins.

548

00:44:39,710 --> 00:44:40,130

See you later.

From breakdown to ground-breaker - Adeel Amini on finding joy and self-worth after hitting rock bottom

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